idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
