I don't think brook has ever known best
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
