He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
