I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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