I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
God, I missed his penis.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
