well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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