I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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