theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
