Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
