WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
high people should be assigned attendants
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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