i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
