I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
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