from now on my penis is your penis
my sisters under your porch take her home
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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