Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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