Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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