be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
