it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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