okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
