I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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