You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Come see our sink grown plant.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
