Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
