ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
