why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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