Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
false alarm, still single
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