His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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