If i come over, it means nothing
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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