i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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