it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize