the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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