well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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