Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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