Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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