My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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