Jerry, you need to find god
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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