i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
