Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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