the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
