im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
