Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
