just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Shame is for Republicans.
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