New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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