There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
