You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
