I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
