I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
