everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
