cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
