dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
