omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
