Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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