oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize