i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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