She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize