Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
