Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
