well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
