I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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