This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
