Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is wine microwaveable?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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