Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Your penis caused this!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
