I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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