i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize