omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
