Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
