I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Watching her eat just hurts me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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