i don't like sucking hair
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
