this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
