She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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