She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
