I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
