I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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