Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
