Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
