i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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