high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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