btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
