booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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