so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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