Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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