so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
