U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
