if only i could text you this smell
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
