I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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