chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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