oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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