You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
