i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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