I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
