well I can't set my house on fire every night
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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