If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
