I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
