So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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