apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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