There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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