you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
