I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
