She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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