this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
