i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
