there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
