Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
