shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize