Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
